So tonight, I’m not going to blog about the latest photo shoot, or about what’s new with the studio and business. This is a much more personal blog entry. Probably more for me, than for anyone else… just a way to vent some feelings, and express what I’ve learned. Maybe some of you can relate…
So on Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 at 7:07pm, I got a phone call. It was Rachel, my good friend, and the one that graces me with her presence and assistance at weddings. We’re preparing to shoot a wedding on the 20th, so I thought perhaps she was calling to talk about the details of the event. I was driving home at the time, traveling on I-81 North, just past the 81/83 split. She told me to pull over… at that time I knew something was up. But never in a million years was I ready for what she had to tell me. One of my closest friends, one that I loved like a brother, died unexpectedly that day. Mathew… Matty B… MB… my bro as he was always referred to as. So many questions…. absolutely no answers… I broke down right then and there. Sat on the shoulder of the highway for 10 minutes until I could collect myself and continue my drive home.
The next day (Thursday) was tough… I went to work at my regular day job, thinking it was better than moping around the house all day, alone. Matty worked with me there until July, when he moved on to a better job. So we had a lot of mutual friends at the workplace. Friends that I had to break the bad news to. It was such a tough day… especially since everyone there knew how close of friends Matt and I were. So many phone calls, and so many visits to my cubicle. Everyone had only one thing to say… “I’m so sorry about Matt… what happened?”. And every time, the frogs jumped back out of my throat, and I had to fight to keep my composure.
Then Friday… the funeral… yeah… kinda quick, but the sooner the funeral, the sooner you can start healing process and attempt to move on with life. The funeral was held in Johnstown, where his parents live. So my day started at 5am when I got up (after not sleeping very well), and I was out the door a little after 6am for a long drive to Johnstown. Along the way, I ended up picking up Rachel to ride along, and we followed Pastor Mike, and Joe the rest of the way. Around 10am, we arrived at Fred & Judy’s (Matt’s parents). We walked in… first greeted by Fred. I shook his hand, asked him how he was doing… a quick “ok” (even though we all knew we weren’t ok), and I moved on. Up the stairs… there was Judy… she immediately gave me a big hug, and said “Tom, thank you for coming… you were such a good friend, he talked about you a lot.” And that’s when I lost it… So much for trying to stay strong. Then I headed straight to Jenn, his fiance. I had shot their engagement photos, and was scheduled to shoot their wedding in September 2009. They were so excited about the wedding, and they loved each other so much. They had placed an order for their engagement prints on Sunday… and I got them from the lab on Wednesday when I got home. It was the hardest box I ever had to open, especially since I had just learned of the terrible news. So right then and there, I had to give Jenn those photos, and it tore me up to have to do it then… but I knew I should. It was a big relief when she smiled through those tears. Their love was the kind that you could see… all you had to do was see how they looked at each other across a room, and you could tell… they were in love.
Then it was off to the funeral services… One of the toughest funerals I’ve ever been to… Then lunch with everyone, and back to Fred & Judy’s for a little more social time… it was definitely needed.
I was alone for the long drive home. Which gave me a lot of time to think… think about my memories of Matty… think about the friends I still have with me… think about life.
Which brings me to the main reason for this blog post….
Not enough time is spent paying attention to the little things. The simplest details that really define a person. Simple mannerisms… small gestures. You see, it was all those little things that made me love my friend… the random notes he would leave on my desk when he stopped by and I wasn’t there; the way he kinda scrunched up when you looked at him and he thought he might have been doing something silly; how he slapped his fingers to make a snapping sound when he saw or heard something cool; how he could grill a mean asparagus; put down a soco and lime; chug a glass of wine; make you smile with a simple gesture; and the uncanny ability to always be there when you needed someone. It was all these little things that drew so many people to him. You couldn’t just like him… you had to love him. Then I realized that its these small things that people forget after losing a loved one. It starts with not being able to remember one small thing, then another, and another… and before you know it you can’t remember his face. So I vow to remember these things. I don’t want to lose the small memories, and I certainly don’t want to forget his face. I think its something we all should remember to do. Whether it’s holding on to the notes and the photos, trinkets that spark memories, or writing in a journal or blog, just do something to hold on to those memories.
So Matty B… I will miss all of these things… the facial expressions, the notes, the hugs, the gestures… the friendship. And it’s with a heavy heart, and tears on my keyboard that I bid farewell. You will be forever missed, and never forgotten. You’ve made a big impact on my life, and gave me memories that I will cherish forever…
